By Erwin D. Maramat

If soap doesn’t work, maybe, some people ought to wear a diaper on their mouth. As if these creatures just leapt out from the pages of a horror story, they never really have anything good to say but throw F-bombs at everything. We are equipped with a vestibular system that is responsible for the sense of balance and spatial orientation, yet, it has not hardwired to our tongues. There is just no sense of balance there. Either that or as I often postulate; there is a heartless surgeon who goes around at the dead of the night breaking into people’s rib cages and leaving them cold and heartless.

Who can blame people? We all need to vent sometimes. We all need to rant and throw a fit once in a while. We have the right to be sulky when we are not in the mood. It’s but insane to say that one should stay static when it comes to being positive, we all have our highs and lows, but pessimism never won a war. Negativity also plays a role in decision making. You can say no where you see fit. However, constant negativity is really bad. Just think of it, nobody really gets offended by a person with a positive disposition, in contrast, you can’t say the same for a chronic whiner. Imagine this: you are enjoying the sunshine outside and here comes someone spitting out the vilest things that can be put into words, isn’t that stressful too?

It’s not for the lack of trying, some people start their day with encouraging mood, but things get out of hand as they day wears on and they get overwhelmed, much like Anakin Skywalker, they too, succumbed to the dark side and like zombies they are looking to infect everyone in hopes to relieve of themselves of the pressure build up but it doesn’t really do them any good.

Before verbal negativity turns into habit remember these:

Words may be abstract, but they can definitely affect people. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never will never break me…not! It does; it breaks people in so many ways. Some words scar people for life and in turn they will resent the uninvited keynote speaker of misery. Remember you can inspire as well as hurt others with mere words, so carefully choose them and while it is impossible to do so, you can always practice getting ahead of yourself before some goes out of hand. When you spend words, you won’t get a refund.

Do not dismiss others for being negative. Some people just need to be heard, but don’t indulge in empathizing with their outlook instead hear them out without the intention of being a self-proclaimed counselor. One interesting blog I’ve read is that of Understanding Validation by Kathryn Hall PhD. She said emotional invalidation is when a person’s thoughts and feelings are rejected, ignored, or judged. Invalidation is emotionally upsetting for anyone, but particularly hurtful for someone who is emotionally sensitive. To sum up her article she said that instead of invalidation, validate.

It’s about acknowledging people’s emotions. Emotions is our reaction to reality and when we validate how others feel, we recognize the reality they are in, so they come to realize that what they feel is reasonable and they are more likely to open up than giving hints laced with unspoken subtext.

Just because you are having a bad day and everything is amiss doesn’t mean you can treat others like a bad day. You don’t have to keep it to yourself, but leave others out of it. If the internal narrator in you is bad-tempered, take him, her, or it for a walk. If you have kids, don’t take it on them and be a responsible adult. It’s not a surprise to see people snap and lash out most especially at work, but it’s not doing them any favor either. While some people just let it slide, we have to take in to account no one really forgets, so it’s best to be professional and just suck it in. Feelings are temporary, but not when it enters the realm of reality.

Patience is power, sophistication is graceful. We have to be at our best, if possible all the time. I firmly believe in the saying that goes, if you have nothing nice to say, say something nice. I know what you are thinking; that’s not how it goes. When I am angry with someone and I feel that I have nothing good to say, I say, “Another time will be better and we will be both in a pleasant mood, let’s just walk away for now and think about the good things we’ve shared and why this thing isn’t us important.” I know it’s idealistic and you could probably come up with something better, but to wrap it up, we can change the world by letting respect lead our conversations.