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Publisher’s Note
by CK May is the month of flowers not just in the Philippines but also here in Calgary. A lot of my neighbors have done their spring cleaning and unfortunately I cannot cope up with them. I remember that during this time of the year my husband, Hank gets busier day by day. He takes care [...]
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Erwinism: Listen

By Erwin Maramat

My guilt costs $12.95 and it weighs heavy on my lungs more than it does on my shoulders. Smoking is a debilitating habit of mine and while I fail to listen my loving spouse viciously nagging about it; I even fail harder to listen to my conscience. If only everybody actively listened the world would be a better place. However, we all have the habit of listening passively because our minds are factories readily manufacturing either empty excuses or rebuttals with which we can we arm ourselves and strategically hurl at the opposition. Hence, breakdown in communication.

Believe it, or not success often comes to those who are willing to listen. We were endowed with the gift of words, but there must be a balance in the exchange of words and that of course is by listening.

Listen to understand

A beautiful poem that I still remember to this day is an old English nursery rhyme which goes:

A wise old owl lived in an oak
The more he saw the less he spoke
The less he spoke the more he heard.
Why can’t we all be like that wise old bird?

This poem not only rings true in the contemporary world, but is true of our ways to have better connection to others. The key to understanding anything in this life lies in listening. If we listen more than we hear, it is certain that the picture before you and I will pan out to be a horizon of better perspectives. “Winston Churchill said, Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” It is pride that gets in the way of things and why people never seem to resolve conflicts, but once selflessness is practiced then there is hope.

Listening is what completes effective communication. The speaker relays the message and on the other end is a listener who must actively receive those pieces of information. We must be willing participants, and that unseen bridge in between will effortlessly collapse and disrupt the flow of the exchange should we choose otherwise. Sometimes, we indulge too much over visuals resulting to inability to capture the vital substance in a message. Movies for instance have subliminal meanings and we often miss them, why? Because we focus on the superficial rather than the important. On listening; you can never be too literal, or too reactive taking words out of context and reading so much into them.

Active listening is a very useful tool not only for communicating, but more importantly learning. Open-mindedness to understand is done through listening. Having accountability to resolve a conflict be it at home; in the workplace; or anywhere else in the world starts with a purpose to understand and offer a resolution as opposed to winning. If our intent is to listen, then we enthusiastically acknowledge another’s capacity to think and voice put their opinion—putting the spotlight on the art of healthy argument. Winning is not everything if what it does is divide people, whereas, when understanding is our primary drive it breaks barriers that may not necessarily be here in the first place.

Listening is a way to physically demonstrate respect toward people. By putting our listening skills on display, we show people that their ideas are warmly accommodated and appreciated. Thus, a sound rapport is established and trust redefined.

The minute we decide to take a pause just to heed and ponder, we likewise present ourselves the opportunity to offer relevant answers rather than throwing random unsolicited ideas or advice. Arguments escalate to conflicts because the rebuttal is of unthought-of retaliation rather than effective reasoning.

Get to know others and see the things from their viewpoint. Listening also delivers an exclusive vantage point that will allow you to tap deep insights that people pacify within themselves, yet they are willing to share at the moment that they find comfort in the connection being extended to them. Aside from showing how deeply rooted we are to show our esprit de corps by way of listening with empathy, we also gain the experience through the eyes of another.

The next time you are in conversation, try to listen and you will soon find untold beauty and wisdom.

Erwinism: Listen with an open heart, not with an open mouth.

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Erwinism: Listen

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